motherhood, postpartum, Self Care

Pain, Weakness, Defeat – How I felt Postpartum

As mentioned in my Birth Story, I had what they call a ‘prolonged second stage’ which means I actively pushed my baby out for over 2 hours, just over 3 hours to be exact.

It was the most excruciating, difficult, empowering thing I have ever done in my life.

It was worth it.

Would I do it again?

Absolutely.

Would I try and do everything possible to avoid doing it again if I knew it was an option?

Definitely.

Would I have chosen a C-section over what I went through?

Unquestionably, NO.

I believe everyone gets the birth they need. I will admit I went into labour cocky. After all my baby was so far engaged my midwife had never seen a baby that low before. When she checked me in early labour, she said he was ‘right there’. I thought when it would come time to push it would be, 1, 2, 3 he’s out, break out the champagne.

Nope.

And what do you think all of that pushing did to my pelvic floor?

Well… It wreaked a little bit of havoc.

No one tells you what it feels like AFTER you give birth. Sure they say it’s like a period, they talk about the cramping, and the breastfeeding difficulties, and the sleeplessness. No one talks about the fact that you might feel like you’re sitting on a swollen baseball or like your organs are going to fall out or you can’t hold a full bladder anymore. Or that doing something simple like walking around the grocery store might cause you pain in a way you hadn’t even considered.

No one talks about that.

Because you have a baby! And he’s amazing, and adorable and the greatest thing that has ever happened to you! (truth) But the fact that you have a perfect, healthy baby doesn’t negate how you are feeling. I was so caught off guard by the pelvic pain and weakness. After all, I had worked really hard when I was pregnant (I thought) to ensure my pelvic floor was in tip-top shape! I thought I’d be a rockstar, pop this Nugget out, and be back to normal in a jiff.

Not the case.

By my 6 week check up with my midwife, I was still having pain, and feeling weak and while I was lucky enough to not have incontinence, I still didn’t have the same control I once did. Luckily, my midwife had a contact for a Pelvic Health Physiotherapist (PHP) in my city and I booked an appointment.

6 weeks later I finally got in to see Michelle. (She’s that busy)

I recently was telling my friends about my experience with Michelle. I used words like ‘magical’ and ‘tender’ and ‘professional’.

You have a really intimate relationship with your PHP when you’re done. She helps you with things you may not even discuss with your mother.

She gave me confidence to know what is and isn’t normal within the context of my own body. She helped me realize my version of a Kegel was not very effective and helped me perfect it. She also made me realize I hold a lot of my stress and tension in my core by bracing it way more often than is necessary, which was resulting in a lot of tightness in my PF. She helped me learn how to relax and release that tension so I could enjoy things I hadn’t been enjoying before. She even helped me work through the grief I was feeling over the fact that I had worked so hard to keep my core strong, and here I was, so weak that wearing my baby for a trip to the grocery store was causing me pain.

Let’s just say, after I finished my last session, the first thing I did the next day was send her flowers and a Thank You note.

I truly believe every single woman should see a PHP after she gives birth. Regardless if it is vaginal or C-section, uncomplicated or complex, easy or traumatic. See a PHP!

What most women don’t realize is that during pregnancy your core all but shuts down. It get stretched so much that it is really difficult to connect with those muscles and keep them toned. A PHP will help you reconnect, and become more functional and I promise you, it will help you in every movement you make.

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