Pregnancy, Prolapse

Pregnancy After Prolapse Series – Am I Ready?

This series of blog posts will follow my journey after healing my prolapse from my first birth, into my second pregnancy and beyond!

After I was diagnosed with my prolapse at 8 months postpartum with Nugget, I was devastated (you can read about that here). I thought my life was over and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be prepared, physically, for another pregnancy and birth. I was terrified of picking up my baby out of the crib, never mind growing a second one!

Then I went to pelvic floor physiotherapy, and subsequently healed my prolapse. Then came rewiring my brain to actually accepting the thought that, maybe, I can have another baby. I mean, ever since I decided that kids were in the cards, I knew I wanted a lot of them! Like, 3 or even 4!

Before I was discharged from physio, I made sure to ask her thoughts on pregnancy, birth and postpartum. She had zero concerns with me getting pregnant again, gave me some great advice for labour and suggested I come back in for a check up at 6 weeks postpartum.

So, I had the go ahead from the professionals I trusted, but was I ready? Emotionally, I was SO ready. When I was pregnant with Nugget, my plan was to have him, then start trying for number 2 at 8 months postpartum, so they could be super close in age. Well, obviously, that didn’t happen. My husband wasn’t quite as antsy as I was to have babies right on top of each other, and I was still nervous about my body. I had felt betrayed and needed to learn to trust it again before taking on the challenge of pregnancy.

So I focused on getting strong. I started a new workout program, committed to working out every 2-3 days and for probably 2-3 months I stuck to it. I loved it. I was so happy with how my body felt, how my clothes fit, and how I felt in general. My body finally felt strong again. All of my muscles had blossomed, my core felt so supportive, and I was finally feeling like myself again.

I was ready. My body felt ready. My husband was ready.

It was time.

It took 9 months to conceive Nugget, so even though I was ready to start trying, I had absolutely no expectations for it to happen anytime soon. I was okay with that, prepared for a long road ahead.

Still, I did all the things. I peed on sticks. I took prenatal vitamins. I tracked my basal body temperature. I even tracked my mucous.

But even then, with perfect timing, most couples only have a chance of conception of 20% for any given cycle. Like I said, prepared for a long road.

We didn’t want to put our life on hold to have another baby, so we kept living it. We used the hot tub, we drank our fair share of wine, beer and coffee, we didn’t change our diet or exercise regimes. We just lived our lives.

I was so prepared for it take months to happen. After all, it had the first time, and nothing had changed in that department, as far as we knew, besides being a couple years older.

And then, two months in, it happened.

The line turned pink. The stick flashed ‘pregnant’.

Next thing we knew, we were preparing to be the parents of two under two.

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Pregnancy After Prolapse

 

Birth, Pregnancy, Prolapse

No, I Don’t Want to Hear Your Birth Horror Story

*Update*
*This post is in no way suggesting that women who suffered from traumatic births have no right to share their story, that is not my intention at all. Telling your story of a birth that didn’t turn out as planned can be incredibly healing. I’m merely suggesting that sharing stories with the motivation of inciting fear is not appropriate, and sharing traumatic birth stories may not be the best way to prepare a pregnant woman for birth*

What is it with women today?

We seem to glory in sharing horror stories about birth. As if you one-up each other in who had the worst experience.

Why do we describe birth as this horrifying experience you just have to ‘get through’ because the baby is ‘worth it’?

What if I told you, you could enjoy birth?

That you could look forward to it, and actually want to do it again?

I know I do! I cannot wait to get the opportunity to do it all again!

I was recently talking to a friend who is very pregnant with her first baby. She told me she is ‘terrified of labour’. It made me so sad. I just wanted to reach through my phone and hug her, and say ‘No, no, noooo! Please don’t be terrified!’.

I think a lot of the root of the fear with labour & birth stems from us being so disconnected from our bodies. Our health system has trained us to fear discomfort. Any time something feels off in pregnancy, we back off. We limit movement, we stop everything. Life comes to a screeching halt as we know it.

I just read an article titled The Scary Truth About Childbirth.  The title alone makes me stabby. To summarize, the article suggests that vaginal (and ‘natural’) birth is over-glorified and it’s injuring women in the form of pelvic floor (PF) injury, prolapse, tears and pelvis fractures. It uses words like ‘horrifying’ and suggests that the natural childbirth movement is to blame. It offers up un-helpful solutions such as get induced early, and have an epidural.

No.

No. No. NO.

NO!

While I believe the intention of the article was to educate women about the risks of vaginal childbirth, which are rarely discussed at length (true). It’s shock & awe, fear-mongering approach is everything that is wrong with medicalized birth today.

Inciting fear into pregnant women is not the way to help the situation. Suggesting MORE interventions is not the way to help the situation. Describing injuries that thousands (millions?) of women suffer from as ‘horrifying;, ‘humiliating’ and ’embarrassing’ is not the way to help the situation.

So what can we do?

Well, first, maybe let’s stop approaching birth as terrifying. Fear increases pelvic floor muscle tension, which in itself is a barrier to vaginal childbirth. The PF muscles have to relax and release, and stretch up to 2.5x their length in order for the baby to pass through. This is not possible if the woman is too scared to let them go. This can result in prolonged labour, prolonged pushing, and ‘failure to progress’. A label as failure to progress usually leads to more intervention, such as instrument assisted birth (forceps or vacuum), which greatly increases a woman’s risk for prolapse and/or tearing (or cutting, depending on the care provider).

Let’s think about this from a different perspective. The hormones needed for childbirth are the same hormones needed to acheive orgasm. Oxytocin is released naturally in the brain when having pleasurable intercourse, and is the same hormone that triggers the uterus to contract. Now, if you were having sex, and you were terrified of an orgasm, do you think you’d ever get there? Uh, nope. Highly unlikely. If you were terrified of having sex, would it feel good? Nope, it might even hurt. Same goes for childbirth.

All this fear mongering, is contributing to traumatic births, which contributes to more fear mongering, which just continues in a cycle.

Just STOP.

There is no benefit to making a pregnant woman fear labour and birth. Yes, there are risks. Yes, she should be aware of them and educated on her options. Yes, she should be made aware of potential outcomes of vaginal childbirth.

But we can do it without scaring the shit out of her! We can do better.

If you tell someone you’re planning on running a marathon, people don’t bombard you with stories of how their sisters mother in laws grandmother ran a marathon once and she had a heart attack in the middle and died. No, they congratulate you, and encourage you, and ask you how you’re training, and get excited! Why can’t we approach birth this way?

How about when you get on the topic of birth with a pregnant mama, you tell her she’s going to do great. You tell her that birth is amazing and it’s going to be one of the biggest accomplishments of her life. You tell her that it’s going to be like climbing a really tall, steep mountain, but the views along the way and at the top are the most breathtaking views you’ve ever seen.

Finally, let’s educate women how how best to prepare their body for birth. Like I mentioned, it’s like climbing a mountain, or running a marathon, except we don’t know how long it will be or how steep the climb, or what barriers we may face along the way. So let’s train for that. Let’s encourage women to move their bodies, nourish themselves (as best the can) and get their mind right for the journey ahead. Let’s teach them activities and movements they can do now that will help them later. Let’s get their bodies strong and capable, so when the time comes they are as well-prepared as they can be. Let’s teach them to have an open mind, and be educated about as many of the potential outcomes as possible so they’re prepared to go with the flow of whatever their body and baby presents. Let’s help them be okay with the unknown, not fear it. Let’s share positive birth stories, and help them trust that their bodies are capable of giving birth, and trust that their care providers will have mom & babies best interests at heart. Let’s encourage them to get in tune with their bodies, so they know how to listen to those primal urges that go along with the process.

Birth is amazing, let’s remember that.

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If you’re pregnant and wondering where to start with getting over your fear of birth, here are a few suggestions, things that helped put me at ease:

Watch Birth Story: Ina May Gaskin & The Farm Midwives

Read Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth

Watch How to Have a Harmonized Childbirth

Read I Came Along, I Wrote A Song For You {The Birth Story Of Sparrow}

Watch Welcoming Theodore

Watch Waterbirth of Scarlett

Watch Birth of Sloane

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